Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Week in Review

My life has carried on. Mother's Day has come and gone. My role as wife and mother was celebrated by my husband and Kent. The other kids were with their own mothers. I was pampered and got to take a day off from diaper duty.

I was fine until late that night when I cried. I cried for what should have been, for our loss and for possible future heartbreak. I was supposed to be entering my second trimester not coping with the loss of yet another child.

Trying to get pregnant is not fun. Worrying about cycles, timing, temperatures, injections, not to mention all the worries about what might happen. The more you learn about how to get pregnant the more you wonder how anyone every manages to do it by accident. I know Superman wanted to be done by his next birthday. His dad died when he was very young and he decided a long time ago he would not put his kids through that. He wants to be able to enjoy his kids while they are still young. I have always agreed with him. This time table has added to my stress level. I haven't had the courage to ask him how the recent events might effect that timeline. I'm not ready for an answer.

On a different note, Mr. Wonderful, Lois's boyfriend/baby daddy has officially left for Marine basic training. My prediction: he gets discharged for "medical reasons". She has been talking more to Superman. She says she misses Kent. She hasn't seen him in 2 months. He told her she could come by the house at anytime. She asked if I was still mad at her. She made it sound like I refused to let her come over. I am not the one who made the declaration about not coming over unless I wasn't home. She did that all on her own.

Her graduation is this Saturday. Superman has asked if I am coming. I told him I will not be attending unless I know she wants me there. He has asked if he can invite her over for dinner this week. I was on the fence. Then something happened. She sent me a text on Mother's Day. A simple Happy Mother's Day. I was shocked. So was Superman. I told him to invite her over. I guess we both can give a little.

Friday, May 7, 2010

Mother's Day

As a stepmother I have found I never get to make a decision based solely on what I want to do. I can't just answer a simple question. I find myself playing out scenarios in my head of the possible consequences of even a simple decision.

I was helping Clark with his homework on Wednesday. In the middle of reading his book he looks at me and begins to tell me about the Mother's Day tea at school. He asked me if I was going to it. He says, "It's for mothers, stepmom, and everything." I started to tear up. I couldn't help it. He was looking up at me with those big beautiful brown eyes. The eyes of my husband and my own son. I knew I was walking in a minefield. How could I possibly go? This would be the first shot fired in World War III. I tried my best to explain to Clark that his mother was going to be going and she probably would want to spend some special time at school with him. I told him I would so happy he asked me.

He finished his work and went to his room. Superman tells me Clark talked to him on Monday about asking me to go. He also told Superman he had made me something special at school. During school the classes have been making something for the tea party. His teacher apparently asked Clark and another little boy if they wanted to make another one for their stepmothers. She explained to the class some people have more than one mom or dad. Clark was really excited he got to make another one for me. She also explained all different kinds of mothers could come to the tea. (I love this woman!!!)

I thought the subject was settled until this morning. As I was fixing to leave, Clark asked me if I was going to be able to make it to the tea. I told him I would love to go but I think his mom really wants to spend some time with him alone. He responds, "I spend time with my mom alone all the time." Ok. I have no response to that. So I try again. I say, "I don't want your mom to be..." I can't find the right words. I can't tell him his mother is a vengeful hateful bitch whose mere existence is meant to torment me and who will not rest until I have been eliminated from his life. As I pause to find the right word Clark simply says "Mad".

He knows. I know. She will be mad. I try to cover and say, "I don't want her feelings to be hurt or her to be uncomfortable." He then says, "But I'm going to sing two songs." Seriously. Is he trying to break my heart?? I tell him he can sing them for me on Tuesday. He seems disappointed and hurt. I tell him I would love to go. Over. And. Over. Superman steps in a attempts to help. Clark seems to understand.

Am I making the right decision? Should I just say screw the undeclared peace treaty and take a chance this won't be as bad as I imagine? Or am I stepping on "Real" Mommy toes here?