Again

Superman just called to let me know Lexie is pregnant.  Again.  Apparently she told Lois this morning.  I'm not going to say anything because of the guilt I felt over the last time.  I hope everything goes well and everyone is ok with the news of the upcoming birth of child #6.

Embarking On Adulthood

Lois is officially an adult.  She turned 18 and she is now responsible only to herself.  The decisions she makes will be her own and the consequences will also be hrs.  You could tell she had imaged this day for a long time and what would be happening.  She would be able to hang out with friends, late into the night, talking, and gossiping.  She would get to experience the freedom she has longed for these past few months.

Unfortunately reality reared its ugly head.  She was not allowed to take our car because she hasn't gotten a job to cover the additional insurance and gas she would need to experience her new found freedom.  Her friends are in high school and not allowed to go out late at night and due to the new laws in our state only one teenager can be in the car at a time past a certain time of night.   So her first night as an adult she spent with us.  You could tell she was disappointed and we tried to make her feel better without explaining being an adult is rarely fun and your schedule is usually driven by necessity not by wants.

She did take the time to organize her room since she was stuck at home and then went to bed so she could get to class and finish her GED testing.    She didn't sulk or let her mood filter out onto the rest of us.  She merely accepted it and made the best of it.  I do feel bad she didn't have a more exciting birthday. 

What Does A Falling Shoe Sound Like?

I knew it couldn't be easy. No fighting, no crying, no guilt trips. I hate to admit it but without these little moments my pessimistic attitude just wouldn't be justified. I'm trying to be a better person and not think the worst but what's a girl to do.

Lois called Superman yesterday to discuss her birthday dinner. For the last 12 years Superman has had dinner alone with the girls on their birthday. We kept the tradition even after we got married. Its in the visitation agreement. Its one of the few things about the agreement Superman actually really likes. Lexie in recent years has been mumbling about how unfair it is. (He gets additional 2 hours a year on their birthday and she gets the kids 12 out of every 14 days. Yeah, really unfair.) Anyways, Lois calls and asks if Superman is still able to take her birthday off next week and spend it with her as he suggested earlier in the week. Superman tells her because she didn't think it was a good idea he scheduled training that day and can not take off. Lois goes on to explain Lexie wants to have dinner with her. Lois doesn't mention changing dinner plans with Superman so Superman doesn't say anything. Lois goes on to another subject and nothing else is said.

Fast forward 6 hours. Lois calls while we were on the way to dinner. I start to cover my head because I assume the other shoe is about to fall. Lois says this statement. This is all too hard. I believe I hear Superman's heart breaking. He goes on to ask who this is hard on. She replies it is just too hard for everyone. Superman tells her he doesn't want to make anything harder for her and she can make her own decisions and we will support her. What she says next shocked both of us.

Can I move in tomorrow night? Let me repeat this. She said, Can I move in tomorrow night?

Superman quickly agreed as soon as he could chin off the floor. Lois wouldn't go into a lot of details. She just kept repeating it's just too hard and everyone came to a decision this would be best. Yeah right. Lois made a decision and did not cave under her mother's pressure which probably led to this. She is basically being told to leave.

About 3 hours later, Lois calls and tells us Lexie doesn't want us to waste gas by coming to help her move so Lois's friends have decided to help her. Now this is the woman who wanted us to let Lois take our car during our visitation to drive to her house 15 miles away so Lois could water her plants. Did I mention it was raining at the time? Waste gas, my ass. She doesn't want to see Superman.

So as of 6pm tonight Lois will be at our house with all her worldly possessions. I am very proud she was able to make a decision and stick to it. Not because it makes Superman happy (although that is a definite bonus for me) but because she weighed her options and decided this was the best choice for her. Maybe she is growing up?

Almost Official

Lois called Superman and told him she has decided to move in October 2. She said Lexie and Luther approached her and directly asked her what her plans were following her birthday. She told them she was going to move in with us. According to Lois, they really didn't say anything. They are allowing her to take all her clothes, a dresser, and her bedroom comforter set. It actually is a lot more than I expected.

My cynical side thinks they are allowing her to go because they will no longer receive child support for her anymore since she isn't in school and she will be 18 in a week. Lexie already tried to enroll her in school in July after homeschooling her for several years. I think in an attempt to extend child support on her. But we will never be sure of her real motives.

This will be the second child leaving their house when they weren't getting along. Luther's oldest daughter was forced to go back to her mother's house. Lexie was telling people "we sent her back to her mother." I understand having problems in the house but it seems those problems are not such a big deal until they turn 18. We have offered to take Lois during some stressful times at Lexie's house for a short period of time to allow everyone to cool off. She wouldn't think of it.

She has tried to guilt Lois in the past to stay. She would stand her in front of her siblings and asked her to explain to them why she was abandoning them. Now she has an sudden change of heart and she has no problem letting her go. Crazy.

On a positive note Clark will have time with his sister that he has never had before. Kent will hopefully get to know his oldest sibling before she leaves the house. I have always wondered what kind of relationship those two will have because of the age difference. Will they be like siblings or more like the distant relative you talk to only on holidays and birthdays? Of course Superman will have time with his daughter. He has missed her so much and regrets a lot of the decisions he made when he was younger. He feels this may be his chance to make up for lost time.

Who knows maybe she and I will develop a deeper relationship? Fingers are crossed and prayers are being said.

Moving In?

Superman and I had our sit down with Lois. We told her everything that was expected of her if she were to decide to move in with us. We tried to be fair without being doormats. I think we reached a good balance. This is all too new for me still. I don't have 18 years experience of being a parent. I never got the slow and steady transition. All I got was driving, dating, and now her becoming an adult.

We decided she did not have to ask permission to go out but the door locks at 10:30 during the week and if she isn't home by then she will need to make other arrangements. It's extended to midnight on weekends. She is responsible for the expenses she brings into the house. We will no longer be doing her laundry or keeping the bedroom clean. If she wants anything special she'll need to buy it. We are only asking for the difference in utilities, insurance and small amount per week for food, etc. Our house will not be a storage building. If she is not home for extended periods of time she will forced to make a decision.

We want her to use this time living with us to learn how to manage her money. That's why she is required to have her "bills" paid to us on a specific date. If she fails to act like an adult and have her bills paid she will no longer be treated like an adult. If she decides to attend college full time the arrangement will be reevaluated.

I tried to express my concerns to Superman. He is so excited about Lois possibly moving in. I just don't want him to be blinded and no stick to the rules we have created. I told him if Lois starts breaking the rules or becomes a disruption to the boys then he will need to do what's necessary. I told him specifically not to tell me I don't understand if an issues ever comes up. I know I don't understand not having your child with you but he wouldn't be doing her any good if he allows her to walk all over us.

I hope this works out for Superman's sake. She is supposed to tell us a definite answer this week. All I asked from her specifically is that she approach her mother as an adult. She is not to blurt out she is moving in a fit of anger or in the heat of the moment. If she wants to be treated like an adult she needs to start acting like one with her first decision.

Did Somebody Push Rewind

Lois is about to turn 18 years old. Superman is trying to deal with his oldest daughter becoming an adult, mainly by making plans to drink himself silly on the day of her birth. He has already informed her, the birthday money which in years past has gone to buy her a present will be going towards the purchasing of his alcohol.

Lois approached Superman a couple of weeks ago asking if she could move in with us once she turns 18. We had just gotten married when she asked to move in the first time. We decided she needed to confront her mother before we took the steps to have custody changed. By the end of the summer, Lois admitted she was using Superman in an attempt to get back at her mother. Superman was hurt and devastated.

I think this was the first time I felt betrayed by her and I admit it did damage our relationship. I don't think I fully recovered. I still don't trust her completely and I think she manipulates her family to get what she wants. I know she is a good person I just hope she realizes her mistakes before its too late.

The following summer she used the same technique only against us. She was mad at us so she told her mother our house stressed her out and she didn't want to come. Of course,Lexie did not return the courtesy. She allowed Lois to stay away inspite of the court order. Once again Superman was the injured party.

Lois is currently on lock down at both houses. In recent years she has become very manipulative, dishonest, and moody. More recently it all came to a head when she was confronted with direct evidence of her lies. She admitted to Superman several things which completely devastated him and he is still trying to deal with. In a moment of bad judgement Lois decided to post on facebook her conversation with her father. Unfortunately Lexie was also online spot checking her facebook.

This resulted in Lois once again asking to move with us. At the time Lois was not yet 18 and we decided it was best if Lois understood her decisions have consequences and our house was not to be used to hide from difficult situations.

As her birthday fast approaches we have come to a decision to let her move in. My hesitation comes from past experiences but my agreement comes from the hope Superman will have much wanted time with his daughter.

I do not know what is going to come but I know Lexie is going to want to kill Superman not going to be happy. She will see this as a betrayal and will do everything in her power to change her mind. I do not know if Superman will have the strength to enforce the agreement we will have with Lois. I can not allow her behavior to affect Clark or Kent. They deserve a stable enviroment.

And so it begins

We dropped Clark off at Kryto's house following our midweek visitation. As usual, I stay in the vehicle while Superman takes him to the door. I make a conscious effort not to appear bothered when she keeps talking to Superman at the door, usually about nothing important. I think she does this because she knows I'm waiting for him in the car.

Tonight was exceptionally long. When Superman gets into the car he proceeds to tell me about the conversation he just had with Krypto. Initially it was about dentist appointments and other things like that. Then the conversation switched to Kent's upcoming arrival. When all was said, she basically was asking Superman to give her Clark when Kent is born because she does not want him "neglected". Superman was caught off guard by the comments and told her in no certain terms he would be taken care of and not to worry about it. And the visitation schedule would not be changing due to Kent's birth.

We have made a decision not to share details or at least be vague about Kent with her because we did not feel it was any of her business. We have not encouraged Clark to keep secrets from her but we were not going to make her a priority in this particular situation. In fact, she's never brought up the subject before. Superman tells me she referred to him as "Kent" just like Clark has been doing since we found out he was a boy. I don't know why that bothers me so much.

The idea of my son's name coming out of her mouth makes my stomach turn. I really don't want her trying to sneak a peak at him while dropping Clark off either. I want to shield him from what I will believe will be a negative person in his life. How do I balance wanting to keep Kent away from her prying but not giving Clark the impression his mother is a bad influence?

Making Plans

We are beginning to make plans for Kent's arrival. This is only complicated by the schedules of the kids. In a perfect world the kids would get to come to the hospital after Kent's arrival and get to have some family time before things get too hectic with bringing him home. I'm just not so sure it is going to happen.

We haven't even brought up the subject with Krypto yet. I am not looking forward to her reaction. She is still seething from the knowledge we are having a boy. I don't know if she'll be willing to switch days or not.

I think I need to step back from the situation a little. Even as I type this I realize it is not "we" who should be bringing up the subject. Ultimately it is Superman's responsibility. I think we have gotten to a point where he understands my feelings on the issues of the exes. I want to be involved in decisions that affect my home and our time as a family. I do need to let him handle the communication more without interference from me. Now if only I can get rid of my control issues all my problems would be solved.