Talking About Loss

We told Clark on Sunday. After researching lots of different ways to explain what miscarriage is we decided to stick with a simple approach. We didn't really discuss the medical aspects or terminology. We explained sometimes when a woman gets pregnant God knows that something is wrong with the baby. He decides it would be best to take the baby back to heaven to fix them. When the time is right he would send us another baby to love just as much as him, Kent and the baby we lost.

We were trying to make sure he wasn't scared God was going around snatching babies or that something would happen to Lois's baby. He seemed to understand. He asked a few questions. I did start to cry which confused Clark. Superman tried to explain it was sad day for us. He then said, "It's a sad day for all of us." It broke my heart.

After going through this again I have realized that many women have miscarriages but no one discusses them. It's not a comfortable subject for the person who suffered the loss or anyone around them. It's hard to know what to say to someone. I know this is not my fault and I couldn't have done anything different but you can't help but feel somehow it is. Will people think I deserve this or somehow I caused this? So instead of taking the chance of being judge harshly or unfairly it is hidden.

Many women have discussed their own story with me after they realize I too have suffered the same agonizing loss. The code of silence is breached and a flood of information and emotion comes to the surface. A person has to be initiated before you can openly discuss it.

I am slowly getting back to enjoying life. I have my moments but I think I am doing better than the last time. The last time I was in bed for two weeks and couldn't function. I was devastated and broken. This time I refused to suffer the same agony again. Sheer will got me through the first few days. I will be forever grateful the kids were with their respective mothers during that week. It did make it easier to experience without watchful eyes.

Now if I could get the picture of the heartbeat out of my head I would be great....

My Loss

The news wasn't good on Monday but not totally unexpected. I had a miscarriage. The doctor thinks it was Friday morning from everything I have told him. I keep telling myself it wasn't meant to be but right now that is just not good enough. I go to the doctor in June to run further tests so we can see if there is a reason I continue to miscarriage. Getting pregnant is not the problem carrying to term seems to be where the problem lies.

My heart is broken and my spirit crushed. Once again life has proven to be unfair. And the quesiton of Why Me? still remains unanswered. I have been down this road before. When Superman and I were married we immediately starting trying to get pregnant. Just a few months of trying and we were pregnant. For a few weeks everything felt right in my world. Then it was shattered by the loss of the baby.

I am trying to stay positive and not let this drag me into a depression like the last time. Superman believes I had not truly recovered from it until Kent was born.

I am not looking forward to Krypto finding out about the miscarriage. Her being joyful in my sorrow will be too hard to take. We also have not told the kids yet. They are with their mothers and we wanted to tell them in person. Clark was never aware of the first miscarriage. I don't even know how to begin to tell a 7 year old about this...any ideas would be appreciated.

Prayers for my baby

We told the kids this weekend. They were excited. We then told the rest of the family. But the news may have been told too soon.

I started to bleed yesterday afternoon. The doctor was unwilling to commit to anything until after the blood work and ultrasound was completed.

I had a miscarriage before Kent was born. My heart is breaking and I fear the worst.

We had the ultrasound this morning. We saw a normal heartbeat. The doctor said this was best we could hope for. Now I'm waiting to hear from the doctor about the radiologist report and blood work.

My fingers are crossed but my heart is heavy.