It's Over

Finally. After 6 months of anxiety and not knowing what was going to happen. The cloud hanging over us is finally gone. The mediation came and now it is complete. Everyone signed on the dotted line.

And what did she accomplish? She managed to get less than $600 more a year and Superman now gets to see his daughter an additional night a week plus an additional week in the summer.

At least it worked out for us.

• Superman was able to call me on breaks. Apparently Luther showed up thinking he would be allowed in. Superman advised him he was not a party to the mediation and he was not going to be included. Lexie was not happy.
• Lexie then told Superman she was on the verge of firing her attorney because she refused to return her calls and agreed to mediation without consulting her. Lexie was not happy.
• Superman allowed the mediator to see his financials but refused to let Lexie since she did not file hers with the court as required. Lexie was not happy.
• Superman's overtime from last year would not be considered since he is not currently receiving any. Lexie was not happy.
• The child support increase would take into effect from May 2009. The arrears barely cover what she paid the attorney to start the case. Lexie was not happy.
• Lexie wanted to back support to be paid in 3 months. Superman has 43 months to pay it off according to the law. Lexie is not happy.

There is an increase in child support and yes, we will have to make extra payments to pay off the back support but at least it's fair. He is paying what he is supposed to be and we no longer have to live in fear of when she might request an increase. We can enforce the visitation order and not have in the back of our minds if she will ask for an increase out of retaliation.

It's over.

Deep breathe. Exhale. So why do I feel like crying?

Waiting

Superman is at mediation this morning with Lexie. The court date is postponed until the results of this meeting is over. So now I am reduced to waiting and watching my phone for the slightest movement that could be mistaken for a vibration. Last night we spent several hours going over everything we felt he should cover. We decided on what he could compromise on and what was not negotiable. I know he will do fine and what he feels is best.

I'm not good at waiting. Patience may be a virtue but why can't obsessive anxiety be one too?

Taking the BullS*&@ By The Horns

I hope we didn't make a mistake but we decided to attack on both fronts. We already had a court date set for October with Lexie regarding the child support and visitation issues. Well, we decided to quit playing games with Krypto also. Superman sent her attorney a letter advising of 3 mediation appointments his client needs to choose from. If she refuses we will be filing contempt papers.

Krypto has a history of scheduling mediation and then backing out once she cools off or she gets distracted by something else. She did it in November 2008 (when she found out we were having a boy) and this year in April (after Kent was born). Both times she has not followed up on the appointment and they are never rescheduled. This time we are calling her bluff.

Superman called Lexie's attorney yesterday and advised her he was seeking mediation either by Lexie's agreement or he would request a court order to force her into it. She seemed receptive and stated she would contact Lexie to see what she says. In the past she was not interested but we will see what she says.

I think in order for us both to stay sane we need this to be resolved. I know I do. Some days I am too focused on them to concentrate on my own responsibilities and priorities. They are already a bigger part of my life than I want and I definitely don't need them taking permanent residence inside my head. So they are being evicted. Now I just have to figure out how to do that. Surely there's a twelve step program out there for it.

Surgery

Clark had surgery today. He had tubes put in his ears for the 4th time. It's our week so we got up and took him to the outpatient clinic this morning. Superman called Krypto yesterday and told her he was supposed to be there at 7:15. He confirmed she would be coming. We decided I would come and wait in the waiting room. I was not going to the recovery room. We didn't want to cause Clark any more stress from the tension that would no doubt be created by me stepping on Krypto's "mom space". No big deal. I am there for Superman and Clark not her. He wants me there. So that's where I will be. She of course didn't stroll in until 7:30. She lives exactly 3 miles from the clinic. But we have grown accustomed to her being late so we expected nothing less from her.

He came through with no problems and in less than 40 minutes from start to finish. The doctor said everything looked fine and this should stop the ear infections again. Hopefully this will be the last set. He made it 3 years since his last set.

As soon as they went to the recovery room to wait she asked if she could change her midweek visitation to another day. He told her he would have to get back to her. Krypto hates this. She doesn't like it when he consults me about the schedule. We decided along time ago this was a necessity if things were going to work smoothly in our household. I have a right to decide who and what affects my schedule and Superman agrees he should not be making the decision without at least consulting me.

Now normally I would have probably wouldn't have cared but not today. Just last week Krytpo scheduled his dentist appointment on our midweek before Thanksgiving and he is having a cap put on a tooth at noon. Superman asked if she would be willing to change it. Her exact words were "He will be fine. He will waiting on you at 3." So I told Superman I would be ok with her switching days if she was willing to switch ours. She, of course, was caught off guard. She was stumbling trying to come up with a reason why today is so different than the dentist apointment next month. Her argument of him not feeling and not being fair was quickly quieted by the sound of karma. Needless to say she will be having her midweek tonight because she refused to switch ours.

Midweek Drama

We experienced the Ice Storm of 2009 this week. Clark has been home all week with school being out. It was our week so I stayed home with him while Superman was having to work. We all fared well until the power went out. I fully expected it but not a mere hour after my husband left for work. I hate driving on ice and our vehicle was iced shut in the yard because it wasn't' able to make it up the driveway. My sister-in-law was nice enough to come rescue us so we wouldn't freeze. On Monday, Superman discussed with Krypto her midweek visitation. They agreed she wouldn't come and get him since the weather was so bad but we would let her take it later in the week. Now I had a bad feeling this decision will come back and haunt us.

I was right. On Thursday the roads were beginning to melt and power was being restored. Superman asked Krypto if she was still coming to pick him up. Initially she states she will take him for a little bit. She states she'll take him to dinner somewhere nearby so she doesn't have to drive very far with him. No problem. She has gone to work everyday so she has driven on the ice when it was at its worst so Thursday should be no problem. Shortly after that conversation, she tells Superman she has decided not to come. Also no problem. We assume the conversation is over regarding this week's visitation. Little did we know.

On Friday, she comes to pick Clark up and I tell him I would see him Monday. Apparently, when I said I'll see you Monday she heard must have heard "Ha Ha. We get our midweek and you didn't." Within minutes of her leaving the driveway, she is texting Superman. She states to be fair we shouldn't get out midweek to which Superman replies he is not missing time with his son and she is the one who decided not to take advantage of Thursday. She responds we must have wanted to put her and Clark's life in danger to come and get him.

Now if you decide to make a moral stand about putting Clark's life in danger then please don't be texting while driving on ice. It kind of negates any highground you might have had.

It's Complicated

My life is complicated. It consists of various schedules either imposed by a court, our employers, or a self-induced compulsive need to organize. My husband works for the city on rotating shifts every two months. Superman has visitation with Lois and Lane on a standard schedule of every other weekend and he has joint custody of Clark. Clark is with us one week and then with Kryptonite the next week with a midweek visitation night somewhere in the middle. Our life is planned around these.

I feel the need to give a back story to my life. Superman has been married three times including his marriage to me. His first marriage was to Lexie. High school sweethearts get married, have kids and then realize they have grown up and apart. They have been divorced for over ten years now. The relationship with Lexie is manageable. She is married to Luther. There are bumps along the way and we sometimes disagree but all-in-all not bad. No major drama.

Now comes the drama. Superman's second ex-wife, Kryptonite. They were married for 4 years and the divorce was final in 2005. They share joint custody of Clark. This relationship is not so good. She is not what I would call stable. She embezzled money from two former employers, has been diagnosed bi-polar, is living with her parents and is currently attempting to drive Superman and myself crazy. Ok, maybe not on purpose, but it's the end result.

Superman and I started dating in 2006 and were married in 2007. Just to set the record straight. I did not know Superman when he was with Kryptonite. I did not steal him, or take him away from his family. He was legally, morally, and emotionally divorced from this women a long time before our relationship. I never stayed in his home while the kids were there. From the beginning we made the children a priority. We built our relationship around the knowledge his life included the kids and that point was not negotiable.

So why the bitterness between me and Kryptonite you ask? Because I am the new wife, the new stepmother, and I can only imagine a threat to her position in this little drama. I am the understudy just waiting in the wings to step in when she is unable to perform the role. She does not understand I do not want to replace her. Honestly. I want a special relationship with my stepchildren, different but unique. The kids need both parents. I respect her position as his mother. Just not the way she always performs as his mother.

This is my struggle towards enlightenment.