Wednesday, April 14, 2010

My Loss

The news wasn't good on Monday but not totally unexpected. I had a miscarriage. The doctor thinks it was Friday morning from everything I have told him. I keep telling myself it wasn't meant to be but right now that is just not good enough. I go to the doctor in June to run further tests so we can see if there is a reason I continue to miscarriage. Getting pregnant is not the problem carrying to term seems to be where the problem lies.

My heart is broken and my spirit crushed. Once again life has proven to be unfair. And the quesiton of Why Me? still remains unanswered. I have been down this road before. When Superman and I were married we immediately starting trying to get pregnant. Just a few months of trying and we were pregnant. For a few weeks everything felt right in my world. Then it was shattered by the loss of the baby.

I am trying to stay positive and not let this drag me into a depression like the last time. Superman believes I had not truly recovered from it until Kent was born.

I am not looking forward to Krypto finding out about the miscarriage. Her being joyful in my sorrow will be too hard to take. We also have not told the kids yet. They are with their mothers and we wanted to tell them in person. Clark was never aware of the first miscarriage. I don't even know how to begin to tell a 7 year old about this...any ideas would be appreciated.

8 comments:

HappilyFlawed said...

Oh so very sorry for your loss. I have no advice unless your religious and to say something to the effect that God wanted the baby more...I hope you find something out at the dr's

stef said...

Oh I'm so so sorry. Despite having been there recently myself, I still have no idea how you must be feeling but I'm guessing it's awful.

Now is the time to block out the negative influences in your life and take pleasure in the good things.

Unfortunately I have no idea how to tell the kids. I knew my mother had three miscarriages when I was younger but never really appreciated how awful that must have been for her until I had one myself.

I hate being part of this 'club.'

PS. I found this concept of 'spirit babies' quite awesome: http://www.babycatcher.net/excerpt2.html

Kate said...

I've always been a lurker, but this is definitely a time to speak out. I'm so sorry for your loss. Those words are small, I know. But, I wanted you to know that a stranger in Chicago is thinking of you in her thoughts.

Talia said...

I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please know I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.

Be gentle with yourself.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. My husband and I are currently trying to conceive, so I can't even begin to imagine what you're going through.

While trying to conceive, I was introduced to the book, "Taking Charge of Your Fertility" by Toni Weschler. This book has been amazing for me in my TTC journey. It may be helpful for you to find out why miscarry (low progesterine, too short of a luteal phase). It puts your fertiliy health back into your hands so you can really tell your doctor what you think is happening with your body...We should know our bodies better than anyone else does!

I've been a lurker (I, too, am a stepmom), so I hope you don't mind me posting. I would really check out the book though. For me, it's helped me through this process...I'm so anxious to get pregnant, every cycle that I don't is disappointing; however, b/c of htis book - I know what's going on with my body.

Big hugs to you and your husband during this difficult time.

Mommy of 3 said...

I am so sorry to hear that this is happening to you. We are dealing with the exact same thing. Easily able to get pregnant, but keep losing the babies (we have now lost 3 in the last 8 months). The last one we were in the 2nd trimester and were dealing with so many court issues with the EX, she actually laughed when she found out. She played it all nicey-nice, but she laughed about it.
We still to this day have not even told the SS (7yrs old too) that we were even pregnant. If his mom told him (I am sure she did, out of mean-ness) he has never once brought it up to us. I think you will figure out how to go about it. I pray that you will be able to have another healthy child (and us too) and that your heart/head heals and can move on to carry another healthy baby.

I agree that you have to put all the negative thoughts/feelings everything with the Ex aside and try your hardest to not dwell or focus on all that. That is what I had to do. Only focus on our kids and my health for any babies... there comes a point where worrying about the Ex and all that drama is not good for your health.

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry for your sadness, and your partner's sadness, and for the place in your family that you had already made for your babe.

My own partner and his ex lost a baby at 23 weeks, and had to tell their kids, then 2, 4 and 6.

They said that Mummy had had a brother for them in her tummy but he was born before he was big enough to live outside her tummy.

I don't imagine this is very helpful because your situation is not the same, but my partner and his ex found that the children seemed to understand that explanation very well.

Thinking of you all.

Crys said...

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. I'd say definitely try to focus on finding out why it keeps happening. It might help you stay motivated and optimistic for the next time. I wish I could send you a Hug so just sit back and pretend. And be sure to find some time to feel it. It never helps to keep it in a corner. Take Care!