I have not posted in over two months. A lot has happened. Some good, some bad, mostly just complicated. I have not had the energy. I have felt defeated and detached from everyone lately. No ones fault really. Just taking a hard look at myself and the situation I find myself in. Summer visitation is done until next year and my house and schedule are once again my own.
I have been reading everyone's blogs and find myself wishing I could find the peace I have read about. Or at least the ability to handle the everyday drama and not let it effect me. I know I should not let it bother me but HOW do you actually learn to do that? In my mind I equate that with telling me to become Asian. That's not going to happen no matter how hard I try. And that's what I feel I am up against most days.
We are trying to get pregnant which brings up an entirely different set of emotions. Especially since I find myself completely surrounded by pregnant women.
Superman read an email last night I accidentally sent to the house about a blog I follow. He asked about it. Apparently I will never join the CIA or go deep undercover because I was about as graceful as an elephant on roller skates trying to explain it without revealing my own blog. I gave up. I didn't want to give the impression I was hiding something from him. So I explained to him what I had been doing for the last 18 months. He read my first entry, teared up, looked at me and said "I'm sorry". He read a couple more random posts and logged out.
He told me it could still be my secret if I wanted it to be. If I needed this then to continue doing it. He seemed to understand I needed confirmation outside of my own little world that I'm not crazy and get some understanding without judgement.
5 comments:
Sorry you are going through so much and are feeling the way that you are. It happens to everyone and you will get past it. I feel your pain about being surrounded my pregnant women, they are everywhere. I will be sending you good vibes and hope to hear some good news soon!
I am very glad your husband was supportive of your blog. Sounds like you need some support right now. HUGS
Oh goodness - it sounds like you are going through a VERY hard time. I will pray for you!!! I agree with you about preggo women being everywhere and if they aren't preggo they are busy sitting around talking about their deliveries and how you just don't "understand". Sending lots of warm thoughts and love!!!
You need a big hug! I'm really glad that he was so understanding about your blog. My husband is probably one of my bigger fans of mine, but we've established the understanding that this is my blog and what I write is what I write. I hope that you're able to get some sunshine back in your life sooner than later.
Kudos for your hubby understanding why you need this. I think we are all blogging to know we have someone out there that understands and knows we aren't crazy.
Keep blogging..we'll keep reading!
Congrats on working on the pregnancy! I am sure it's more added stress even for such a blessing to bring to your family.
Sweetie, so very sorry you're going through a rough time.
If I didn't blog, I don't know where I'd be. Sometimes I look back at old posts and think, "what the hell?" But at that time, I needed to say it.
Sening prayers from Casa d'Minnie
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