I believe my husband fell in love with a strong, happy, fun-loving woman who was able to show compassion. I no longer am that person on a daily basis. I am too focused on the scorecards. I feel like my life consists of keeping track of the wrongs that have been done to me, Superman, and the kids. I focus on the details, squabbles, and how unfair the situation is to me instead of the children that are right in front of me.
I am in a rut and my pity party is coming to an end.
I was reading Amour Fati Love Your Fate when I realized how selfish I was being and how I had to change my perspective. She reminded me of something very important in her post.
Really, so much of making a stepfamily work is all about the marriage. The further my husband and I journey together on this path, the more and more I believe this. And furthermore, its about finding ways to make it easier for both of us. It has it's challenges both ways.
As much as I have days when I feel that its an impossible journey, I look at my son, and I know that every night, I get to tuck him in and he goes to sleep in our house. My husband doesn't have that peace with his 2 older sons. Half the time, his boys are sleeping somewhere else. Experiencing another part of their life somewhere else. And when I imagine for one split second what that must feel like, I become convinced that stepmothering is a breeze compared to what it must feel like for him.
In many ways Superman will never understand where I come from and I hopefully will never understand the difficulties of having your child away from you. It is also difficult for Lexie and Krypto. I need to remember that when they react out of anger. To hand over your child to someone you did not choose must be difficult. I cannot expect compassion or understanding if I am unwilling to show it.
Tonight when I kiss my son goodnight I will not take it for granted.
2 comments:
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!! I feel like I'm much in the same place right now...my husband even said I'm not the same person I was when he met me. I'm too scared of backlash, too stressed about money, too nervous about running into the ex. I've let the whole stepfamily life situation take over my whole LIFE. This was a great post to read before the weekend...I needed that motivation.
Good luck!!!
xo
Perspective is definitely a tool to be reckoned with, and can make all the difference.
I've had to learn to change my perspective about a lot of things and it has made life so much easier when having to deal with Jane and her ridiculousness.
I think attitude has helped a lot too. Trying to find the positive in things instead of dwelling on the negative.
So good for you for coming to this reality, and for taking the first steps in finding who you are now. It's hard to go back, but it's never too late to recreate and become a better person. :)
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