Midweek Drama

We experienced the Ice Storm of 2009 this week. Clark has been home all week with school being out. It was our week so I stayed home with him while Superman was having to work. We all fared well until the power went out. I fully expected it but not a mere hour after my husband left for work. I hate driving on ice and our vehicle was iced shut in the yard because it wasn't' able to make it up the driveway. My sister-in-law was nice enough to come rescue us so we wouldn't freeze. On Monday, Superman discussed with Krypto her midweek visitation. They agreed she wouldn't come and get him since the weather was so bad but we would let her take it later in the week. Now I had a bad feeling this decision will come back and haunt us.

I was right. On Thursday the roads were beginning to melt and power was being restored. Superman asked Krypto if she was still coming to pick him up. Initially she states she will take him for a little bit. She states she'll take him to dinner somewhere nearby so she doesn't have to drive very far with him. No problem. She has gone to work everyday so she has driven on the ice when it was at its worst so Thursday should be no problem. Shortly after that conversation, she tells Superman she has decided not to come. Also no problem. We assume the conversation is over regarding this week's visitation. Little did we know.

On Friday, she comes to pick Clark up and I tell him I would see him Monday. Apparently, when I said I'll see you Monday she heard must have heard "Ha Ha. We get our midweek and you didn't." Within minutes of her leaving the driveway, she is texting Superman. She states to be fair we shouldn't get out midweek to which Superman replies he is not missing time with his son and she is the one who decided not to take advantage of Thursday. She responds we must have wanted to put her and Clark's life in danger to come and get him.

Now if you decide to make a moral stand about putting Clark's life in danger then please don't be texting while driving on ice. It kind of negates any highground you might have had.

Sibling Class

We went to a sibling class today for Clark. It was to help Clark transition from being the youngest to an older brother. The instructor brought a lot of the same topics up we have already covered and Clark was very proud of himself for being able to answer correctly. She also addressed concepts we had not even thought of. She addressed the issue of the new baby receiving a lot of attention and presents. She compared it with his own birthday and he seemed satisfied with the explanation. He has even decided he can help Kent open his birthday presents since he will be too young to do it when he gets here. Overall it was a good class and would recommend it to anyone. He was however a little shocked by the concept of breastfeeding. We will probably get an angry email over that one.

The instructor was not aware I was the stepmother. She referred to me as mom during the class. I was curious to see how he would react. After we were first married, Clark would correct people and tell them I wasn't his mother. Over time the reaction has started to change. I think being around kids his own age with stepparents has helped him understand more. His counselor he went to for a short period of time reinforced it was ok if he had two mommy's even if he didn't call me that.

Clark has always called me by my first name and he knows it is his choice what he can call me. Recently he has started asking more questions about calling me mom. He is very curious about what Kent will call me and asked several time if he could call me mom too if he wanted. We want it to be his choice but we don't want him to feel he is being left out of anything that his brother is doing. It's walking a tight rope because Krypto would not be happy if she knew he was considering the idea.

Jumping to Conclusions

We picked the girls up today as usual. They are in the process of moving to the new house. Superman asks Lane how school went today. She responds she didn't go today because her mother needed her help. I instantly tense up. Lexie, in the past, has kept Lane home for reasons I wouldn't consider important enough to stay home for such as being grounded from school, needed help cleaning for company, etc. Besides Lane hates to miss school and it puts her into a panic.

Before anyone can express any feelings of regret or disapproval, Lane states, "My mom had a miscarriage and needed me." I immediately regret jumping to conclusions. I start to tear up. Superman and I had experienced a miscarriage ourselves earlier in the year and I can understand the pain she must be going through, both physically and emotionally. My disapproval was not warranted and I'm glad Lane never new my initial thoughts on the matter.

Both Superman and I did not feel it was in the girls best interest to have her mother expecting another child but I do wish this situation had ended differently. This is her third miscarriage. I pray she will be be strong and get through this hard time with the support of her husband and family.

And so it begins

We dropped Clark off at Kryto's house following our midweek visitation. As usual, I stay in the vehicle while Superman takes him to the door. I make a conscious effort not to appear bothered when she keeps talking to Superman at the door, usually about nothing important. I think she does this because she knows I'm waiting for him in the car.

Tonight was exceptionally long. When Superman gets into the car he proceeds to tell me about the conversation he just had with Krypto. Initially it was about dentist appointments and other things like that. Then the conversation switched to Kent's upcoming arrival. When all was said, she basically was asking Superman to give her Clark when Kent is born because she does not want him "neglected". Superman was caught off guard by the comments and told her in no certain terms he would be taken care of and not to worry about it. And the visitation schedule would not be changing due to Kent's birth.

We have made a decision not to share details or at least be vague about Kent with her because we did not feel it was any of her business. We have not encouraged Clark to keep secrets from her but we were not going to make her a priority in this particular situation. In fact, she's never brought up the subject before. Superman tells me she referred to him as "Kent" just like Clark has been doing since we found out he was a boy. I don't know why that bothers me so much.

The idea of my son's name coming out of her mouth makes my stomach turn. I really don't want her trying to sneak a peak at him while dropping Clark off either. I want to shield him from what I will believe will be a negative person in his life. How do I balance wanting to keep Kent away from her prying but not giving Clark the impression his mother is a bad influence?

Making Plans

We are beginning to make plans for Kent's arrival. This is only complicated by the schedules of the kids. In a perfect world the kids would get to come to the hospital after Kent's arrival and get to have some family time before things get too hectic with bringing him home. I'm just not so sure it is going to happen.

We haven't even brought up the subject with Krypto yet. I am not looking forward to her reaction. She is still seething from the knowledge we are having a boy. I don't know if she'll be willing to switch days or not.

I think I need to step back from the situation a little. Even as I type this I realize it is not "we" who should be bringing up the subject. Ultimately it is Superman's responsibility. I think we have gotten to a point where he understands my feelings on the issues of the exes. I want to be involved in decisions that affect my home and our time as a family. I do need to let him handle the communication more without interference from me. Now if only I can get rid of my control issues all my problems would be solved.

Seriously

Lexie is pregnant. Again. That would be her 6th child at the age of 37. Lois told her dad on Saturday that Lexie and Luther are going to have another child. In normal circumstances I would be very happy for a woman newly pregnant. However in this case, I am in shock and concerned for the impact this will have on the girls.

Lexie was told several pregnancies ago not to have any more kids because of the health risks. Lexie and Luther have been struggling financially for some time now. They own their own construction business and the market is not what is used to be. They were struggling before the economy went downhill. They filed for bankruptcy last year and that didn't seem to help their financial stability. They tend to spend when they get money and are not big on saving. They live well beyond their means.

The girls have now told us they are moving to a smaller house and will have to share a room now. That by itself is fine but then the kicker. They have to share a bed too. The girls are 17 and 15. How could you ask them to do that?

Superman and I drove by the house they plan to rent. No one will convince me that they couldn't find a better house suited for them for a lot less money if you took pride out of the equation. It sits on a hill with absolutely no yard. There will be 6 kids in this house within a short period of time. The house is newly built but apparently having a non-functioning theater room is more important than giving her daughters privacy.

I'm am trying to put things in perspective but sometimes when faced with such hypocrisy it is hard to do. How does a person justify getting the washer and dryer reposed one week and then decide its a good idea to rent all new furniture for the new house the next???

Give me strength not to open my mouth.

It's Complicated

My life is complicated. It consists of various schedules either imposed by a court, our employers, or a self-induced compulsive need to organize. My husband works for the city on rotating shifts every two months. Superman has visitation with Lois and Lane on a standard schedule of every other weekend and he has joint custody of Clark. Clark is with us one week and then with Kryptonite the next week with a midweek visitation night somewhere in the middle. Our life is planned around these.

I feel the need to give a back story to my life. Superman has been married three times including his marriage to me. His first marriage was to Lexie. High school sweethearts get married, have kids and then realize they have grown up and apart. They have been divorced for over ten years now. The relationship with Lexie is manageable. She is married to Luther. There are bumps along the way and we sometimes disagree but all-in-all not bad. No major drama.

Now comes the drama. Superman's second ex-wife, Kryptonite. They were married for 4 years and the divorce was final in 2005. They share joint custody of Clark. This relationship is not so good. She is not what I would call stable. She embezzled money from two former employers, has been diagnosed bi-polar, is living with her parents and is currently attempting to drive Superman and myself crazy. Ok, maybe not on purpose, but it's the end result.

Superman and I started dating in 2006 and were married in 2007. Just to set the record straight. I did not know Superman when he was with Kryptonite. I did not steal him, or take him away from his family. He was legally, morally, and emotionally divorced from this women a long time before our relationship. I never stayed in his home while the kids were there. From the beginning we made the children a priority. We built our relationship around the knowledge his life included the kids and that point was not negotiable.

So why the bitterness between me and Kryptonite you ask? Because I am the new wife, the new stepmother, and I can only imagine a threat to her position in this little drama. I am the understudy just waiting in the wings to step in when she is unable to perform the role. She does not understand I do not want to replace her. Honestly. I want a special relationship with my stepchildren, different but unique. The kids need both parents. I respect her position as his mother. Just not the way she always performs as his mother.

This is my struggle towards enlightenment.

Not the Mommy

I am a pretend mother. I am not the real mommy. I know this because I have been told countless times. I am responsible for getting the kids dressed, to school on time, help with homework, and fix life's bumps and bruises whether real or imaginary.

But, I can not stress this point enough. I am the pretend mommy.

I did not give birth to these children. I was not there in the beginning. I do not remember the first steps or the look on my husband's face when they were born. I came into the picture later. Apparently too late to be anything but the pretend mommy.

I begin this with a hope I can come to terms with being a pretend mommy. I want to be able to rise above the disagreements, hurt feelings, and selfishness that comes so often with the blending of families. I want to be a better pretend mommy. I want to count, to have my opinion mean something.