PI Wanted

If I ever wanted to be a private investigator, the events of today should clearly show why I am never going to make millions spying on people.

I got on my facebook and notice Lois posted she had gone home early from work. I was upset. She was fine this morning. Not to mention I went to work everyday and was sick at work everyday for 6 months. I had bills to pay and so does she.

I went to the online phone account and check her texts for the past few hours. Currently she has 22000 for this month. That is not a typo. So you can definately tell when she is at work, in the shower or even sleeping.

What do you know? Not a single break. I am pissed.

Staring at me in the face is an ad for GPS locate. It advertises you can know where your kids are and have peace of mind. Track your kids with their cell phone. Well. I could use some of that.

I sign up. On the wrong telephone number.

Guess who gets a text about it? It gives her a password and the website to start tracking. Wait for it. Me.

Ok. It could be worse. It somewhat looks like a promotional text. Maybe she won't notice. I immediately cancel it on her phone, add it to mine and then go to the website and register. Now we are tracking. And low and behold she is not at our house. She's at her mother's.

But wait my utter failure as a PI is not yet complete.

Lois sends me a text. What is family tracking? Oh shit. She sends another. I just got another one that you are tracking me??? Oh fuck! The only thing that is working today is my quick thinking. I let her know I got a similar text and I am already online looking at the account. Which is entirely true. I go on for about the next hour back and forth with her. Asking all kinds of stupid but official sounding questions. Then I had to call Superman and tell him what I had done and ask him to help make this seem even more official. I explained what I had done and asked him to contact Lois and ask why she was tracking his phone. Which is entirely false. By this time I had cancelled the account on Lois and began one on myself so now I can have the text from the wireless company. Then I have to cancel that.

It wasn't worth all the hassle and drama just to find out where she was at one time. I was on pins and needles not knowing if she believed me. When I got home she kept going on about how she thinks Mr. Wonderful did something to the account so he would know where she was. Ok. I admit I was wrong for not correcting her but at least I gave her the impression to hack into someone's account is not something anyone can do.

I have learned my lesson.

But seriously what kind of genius sells a product to track your kids but then notifies your kids they are being tracked with their cell phone? Hello! Big red truck!!! (If you don't know what that means I be glad to fill you in on a little southern humor)