Friday, September 4, 2009

A Real Mommy?

Kent is turning 6 months old tomorrow. Superman has asked me several times since he was born if I felt like a "real" mommy now. I don't know if Kent being born was supposed to somehow bestow upon me an overwhelming sense of motherhood that was lacking prior to his birth or a profound knowledge that come only with giving birth to a child. To be honest, I don't' feel like a "real" mommy. I don't feel different at all.

I admit I do have different feelings for Kent. But I have different feelings about all the kids. I don't think admitting that makes me a bad pretend mommy or a better real mommy. I think I can admit I have a connection with Kent that I will never be able to have with Lois, Lane, or Clark. But we also share something Kent will never experience. My relationship is different with everyone. Not better. Not worse. Just different and that's ok.

My perception of my standing in the family and with Lexie and Krypto has changed. I always felt somewhat on the outside. My only real connection to the family was Superman. I had a relationship with all the kids but somehow always felt I could easily be taken out of the equation. I was tied to this family but not bound.
With Kent's birth I now feel that my connection is stronger. A bond has been found that can not be broken and is tangible. I am somebody's mother and my opinion does matter. My opinion matters because my child is a part of this household and I do have a right to changes things that effect him.

The hurtful phrases no longer can be used to make me feel like I am somehow lacking.

If you were a mother you would understand.
You don't know what you are talking about because you don't have kids.

I am a real mommy and yes, a pretend mommy. Maybe one day I will be just mommy.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

If you were a mother you would understand.

You don't know what you are talking about because you don't have kids.

As a childless stepmom you have no idea how badly I long to not hear these words EVER again!!!!!

Anonymous said...

Isn't it amazing that people will say those hurtful words to a Step-Mom (or Dad) but would never,ever even think to say that to an adoptive partent! Is that any different? I don't think so.
Common sense is common sense, childless or not.